The Quest fore the Intersecting Advancer
by Djinneya
Summary: Will is bored, Jack is odd, the authors have read too many lamely misspelled fanfictions lately.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything, not even my cat.

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**-The Quest fore the Intersecting Advancer-**

_-A Fanfriction-_

_(by two slightly batty and unauthorized authors)_

_Will was in his blacksmith shop making swords and thinking about how beautiful Lizzy was and wondering to himself, with a grin, if he would see his good friend Jack again any time soon. He missed the sea. He missed adventure. Being a blacksmith was boring. Just ask the first blacksmith you come across, he'll tell you, anyone could tell you. Very boring. Then, happy day, Jack came through the door._

_ "Hey matey-best friend-buddy-chum-partner-pal!"_

_ "Oh Jack! What are you doing here?" though he didn't really care, he was just glad to see him._

_ "_Captain_ Jack!" chided Jack- oops- I mean _Captain_ Jack._

_ "I'm sorry. I forgot." confessed Will._

_ "Well.." Jack seemed to think about it for a minute, though actually he was just having fun watching the dust particles dance in the sunlight. He couldn't quite decide whether they were performing the tango or the fox-trot, then with admirable soundness of mind he reasoned that since they were none of them foxes it must be the former. _

_ Will gave a little cough to remind him that he existed. Jack snapped back to reality, "Oh yes! Don't let it happen again and I'll overlook it this once how 'bout savvy?"_

_ "Sure thing boss!"_

_Jack just smiled a toothy grin, and swaggering back and forth he produced a bottle of rum, half empty; which is probably the source of his drunkenness, which he was drunk by the way, having drunk half the bottle, from behind his back. (Though _where_ behind his back is uncertain. Tucked into his belt?) "Weddings I love weddings!" he blurted out of the blue (which is a nautical term, by the way. _Nautical _being also a nautical term!)._

_ "Um. Er. Okay!"_

_ "I were wondering were you to join me on an intersecting advancer havin' ta do with trashier and the like!" _

_ "No. Can't. Sorry."_

_ "Eh?"_

_Will sighed heavily, "Oh Jack. It's not that I don't want to, I do, but well Elizabeth, you know her, she's that angelic brown-haired, amber-eyed, slim, beautiful, gorgeous, perfect, exquisite-"_

_ "Yes. We've met." _

_ "I'm going to marry her one of these days." _

_ "But first you must join me on this advancer!"_

_ "Perhaps if you'd asked me in advance… But I'm too busy, far too busy. Can't and all that. Do understand."_

_Jack's face fell and it tore at Will's (pirate) heart to have caused his matey-best friend-buddy-chum-partner-pal this distress. _

_ "Oh. Okay. I understand." Jack said in a way as though he wasn't even thinking about the fact that Will had just hurt his feelings excruciatingly but was rather trying to remember exactly how many bottles of rum he had in the Pearl's (you know the Pearl, it was the ship from the last movie that was cursed but then got sort of- well- un-cursed) holds. "But you will come then?"_

_Will couldn't suppress the urge any longer, the sea was calling so loud that he was sure he would go deaf if he didn't respond in some timely manner. "Alright alright I'll come, only please stop shouting!"_

_Later, on the Pearl, Will was having a smashing time as first mate, having the illimitable honor of swabbing the decks. "Gee Jack, when you said 'advancer' I had been hoping for something a little more… _more_."_

_ "See this here 'map'?" asked Jack, pulling out a 'map' with lots of markings and cryptic notes scribbled all across it's crinkled surface._

_ Will could only stare as the muscles in his face had been paralyzed when that starfish had bit him when he and Jack had done the turned-over ship trick to get to the Pearl unnoticed.._

_ "Well?" asked Jack at last._

"_Ah." said Will finally. "I see." for though the starfish-bite had paralyzed his facial muscles his eyes were still as sharp (and _soft_) as ever._

_ "It shows the way to the trashier." Jack informed unnecessarily._

_ "Oh." said Will, who had actually thought it was a blueprintish-like-plans-for-the-Death-Star-thing. _

_ "It's also a blueprint!" Jack added enthusiastically. _So I _was_ right_, thought Will. _The galaxy is facing a dire peril so long as Jack has possession of this deadly piece of parchment. The poor chump probably doesn't know that he could unwittingly be the cause of the very end of time and space and consciousness. …

_Then a thought hit upon him, so hard as to almost lay him flat to the deck, which would have been unpleasant considering all of the bilge water he had just poured over it (bilge water that Pintel and Reggeti were good enough to collect for him in the last movie) (their own special cleaning agent consisting of equal parts grog, tar, and troll saliva.). However he had been holding a mop, which saved him, as mops are apt to do. _

_Then, without so much as a word of warning, Will snatched up the map-blueprint-thing from Jack and chucked it overboard._

_ "Hey!"_

_ "It's for the grater good Jack." Will explained. "We all have to make sacrifices."_

_Jack couldn't have looked more shocked if Will had slapped him in the face with the heroic mop. His eyes were wide and blank; like a frog's in the mire, his mouth held agape; like a door, ajar and letting in a draft (that wouldn't be too bad in the Caribbean, but's aside the point), his hands shot instinctively to Will's neck._

_ "GIBBS!" he required loudly as he tried in vain to strangle the life out of his 'ex'-matey-best friend-buddy-chum-partner-pal. "FETCH UP THE PLANK!"_

_ "Can't." came the reply from below an open hatch._

_Jack ceased a moment with his attempt at murder to call back, "I can't hear you Gibbs!"_

_ "Can't." Gibbs repeated, as he ascended to the main deck. "Ana's using it right now."_

_Jack released Will in surprise, leaving him to gasp for air. "For WHAT?"_

_ "Er. She's ironing out all the sails… so's to make the ship sail better and all?"_

_ "I don't remember authorizing that."_

_ "Ya didn't Captain."_

_ "Oh. So that's why I don't remember it!"_

_Will, who had only just finished recovering from nearly being strangled to death in Jack's iron grip (courtesy of his stylish new iron gauntlets, all the rage in Mordor you know) replied bluntly, "Elementary my Dear Watson." (Which was weird of him, as Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's famous novels wouldn't be written for another… a while. Who cares about dates anyhow?) _

_Jack and Gibbs, though both ignorant learning-less pirates, both caught on that what had just been said was somewhat anachronistic. _

_ "Um… ex-mate, are you alright?" Jack asked, with a concern to his tone and manner suggestive of…umm… concern?_

_ "Concerning the fact you were about to condemn me to the depths," responded Will, who had a sixth sense that allowed him to occasionally read the free-floating thoughts and mental projections of others, "that sounded similar to something like concern." Apparently he'd caught the authors' well laid hint._

_ "Well-l," stammered Jack uncomfortably. "Alright you've got me." he confessed _black_-sheepishly. "Truth is I cannot sail this ship all by me onesy, and all the rest of me crew have the next three months off as reward for comin' back for me and all."_

_ "Do I get vacation time for rescuing you from hanging?" asked Will hopefully._

_Jack gave him a dark look that seemed to say, '_Don't push yer luck mate, yer far from forgiven fer the whole tossing-the-map/blueprints/Death-Star-plans-overboard-thing.'

_Will sulked a bit, but was glad he didn't have to walk the plank anyhow. He went monotonously back to searing a hole through the deck with the mildly acidic solution and Jack went off, following the burning smell coming from below decks. After all _someone_ had better stop Ana from putting ironing-burnt-holes in the sails._

_Three days later, in Port Royal, Elizabeth realized that Will had not paid her a visit for three days. She went to the blacksmith shop, which is where she had last remembered stashing her fiance-to-be._

_When she got there, she happened upon a startling revelation. Will was gone…. Gone…. Gone…. It couldn't be true, she thought, brightening. Thus reassured she gave the shop the once over again (or would it be the 'twice over' this time?) She found a handle-less teapot, a wet whetstone (that had apparently fallen from the counter into the basin of water she found it in), a torn and sewn bag of powdered cocoa (Blue Mountain of course), and a leather-bound book labeled 'Will's Secret Diary' (which she pocketed to look through later), but no Will. "Hmm." she stated suspiciously. "I must find the Will to go on."_

_Mission Objective: Find Will and return him to a place of easy accessibility (A.K.A. the blacksmith shop)._

_Destination: Tortuga, the haunt of all pirates._

_Reasoning Behind The Logicing That Thought Up The Destination: Will's a pirate. (see Elizabeth's last lines in COTBP for confirmation) Tortuga's where pirates are._

_The only thing Elizabeth didn't know (well maybe not the _only_ thing) was that Tortuga wasn't the only Pirate Port in the Caribbean. There was also Nassau. But technically that was in the Bahamas, making the point invalid. Old Providence though, was generally thought to be a Pirate Port. But as Will was not at Old Providence, it was just as well that Elizabeth didn't think to think of that one either._

_ "Jack," Will began after a long day of steering the Pearl in impressively well calculated and executed circles, "it is my belief we have reached the Horse-Shoe Latitudes."_

_ "Then it's only a bit further till we reach the _Bit's Bight_!" Jack reasoned in uncontained excitement. "Then all we have to worry about are…." he lowered his voice malevolently. "…the _Teeth_."_

_ "Hmm?" wondered Will._

_ "Oh, you know, just that deadly stretch of reefs from which no-ones ever been able to return from, on account of no-one being able to get there in the first place."_

_ "How would I know that Jack, if no one's ever been able to return from them because no one's ever gotten to them in the first place?" reasoned Will. "And for that matter, how would you?"_

_Jack simply smiled and laid a finger to the bridge of his nose in an altogether savvy manner._

_ "Followed your nose?" Will guessed weakly._

_Jack rolled his eyes so far backwards that, if he had one, he'd have scarcely been able to miss seeing his own brain. Returning them to their proper position before Will could get _too _freaked out he answered sarcastically; "Yes. Absolutely yes."_

_ A thought struck Will then, like a flying brick, which prompted him to ask; "Um, where are we going again?" Then, a second, more important thought struck him, like the golden brick which wasn't meant to be thrown but had somehow gotten mixed up in the stack of mortar ones; "And why?"_

_ To Will, it seemed that it took a moment or three for the pirate to remember, but truly, Jack was just subtly testing the blacksmith's patience. "Well," Jack responded tardily, "we _were _going to be looking' fer trashier, but then of course you got that bright idea of chuckin' the map to the depths…"_

_ "I mean," Will illuminated brightly, "where are we going _now_?"_

_ "The Bit's Bight of course." Jack explained, after another three-moment interlude._

_ Will looked genuinely curious, as he inquired; "What's at the Bit's Bight?"_

_ "Noffin'." the captain elucidated bluntly. "We're off to the 'Teeth' after the Bight, savvy?"_

_ "Yes, yes, you mentioned that." Will remembered aloud. "But what's at the 'Teeth'? What could one possibly find at a treacherous formation of brightly-colored long-dead coral?"_

_ "Noffin'" Jack repeated, adding as an afterthought, "Excepting deaf."_

_ "Well, why are we headed there?" Will asked, feeling that 'deaf and/or noffin' couldn't quite constitute an 'intersecting advancer'._

_ "We aren't." Jack answered, incongruously smiling, which somehow dampened the smith's already sagging spirit's even more._

_ "But you said-" Will began to say, before being cut off by Jack saying;_

_ "My most recent saying was to say that we weren't, so I bein' the captain and all, that overrules all past sayings, savvy?"_

_ "Uh." Will began, but changing his mind replied; "Oh." "Okay. So where are we going?"_

_ "Uh-uh!" Sparrow scolded abruptly. "now you're repeating yourself."_

_ "Repeating myself?" Will repeated._

_ "Don't start." Jack warned, ending the conversation. To his mind at least. Will, however, could not have read the infamous captain's mind even if he were to have thought to try, which he didn't; being under the impression Jack was not possessed of one._


End file.
